Many women these days opt for a more natural birth, midwives instead of doctors... less drugs.... simply more natural and more like our ancestors. Truth be told I never even considered these things and while for some women I am sure it was better I am so thankful for modern medicine! Without it I have no doubt things would have turned out differently in my story and instead of sitting here holding my little precious boy one or both of us may not be here.
It started Monday August 11th. It was a mostly normal day... I ran to Albertsons to buy ginger and scallions so I could make one of Tyson's favorite meals, after we ate I snuggled up against him as we watched Dr. Who before bed, we ate tiny cupcakes with fluffy frosting in an attempt to lift my spirits at the fact that I was indeed still pregnant when the next day would put me at 40 weeks. All in all it was a fairly normal day but the whole time somehow I felt weird... it isn't really a weird I can describe and now I'm not even sure I would recognize it as the same if I felt it again (but when know maybe years from now if I have another baby I will recall it), but I just kept saying that I felt weird.
I went to sleep that night but I never hit my deep good REM cycle that even at nine months pregnant I normally hit. By around 4:30 or 5:00 AM I was done even attempting to sleep... contractions had begun and while all I wanted was sleep it simply wasn't happening.
Tyson woke up with me and held my hand, packing last items for the hospital between when I needed him. I lay in my comfy bed watching my husband thinking how cute he was, all the while i was sure we were far off from actually needing to go to the hospital. I never had any Braxton Hicks and in my mind I had decided that is probably what was finally happening. According to the things I'd read and researched if they were real contractions I wouldn't be able to talk through them and even with my high pain tolerance I certainly assumed I would have at least some trouble talking through them (I never did... teaches me to assume things).
Eventually Tyson began to time my contractions despite me insisting that they probably weren't real yet and we eventually moved upstairs and I lay on the couch in the kitchen while Tyson ate breakfast. He tried to get me to eat as well but even though I was in denial I was in labor at this point and not all that hungry so I forced down a few dry Cheerios while I lay there but I never actually ate much.
Tyson took the bags to the car, making subtle (and later not so subtle) comments about how he thought we should probably head to the hospital as I stubbornly insisted that I wasn't even sure, my contractions were real. But a little after nine he finally convinced me to at least go and be looked at.
It is a short drive from where we live to the hospital, I will be forever thankful for that because sitting in the car was horrible! Even with Tyson trying his best to avoid the bumps any little jiggle was extremely uncomfortable. Me and the car were simply not friends. I don't envy women with long drives or large amounts of traffic between them and the hospital... I guess that is one of the few benefits I've found to living in a smallish city.
We walk through the doors of the hospital and must have look confused because a group of people who worked there and were on break eating recommended we go upstairs. We got in the elevator and went upstairs to find a ghost town. The reception desk had no one there, no nurses were wandering around.... no one. We had no clue where to go and were rather frustrated that there was this nice big desk for a non-existent person. Finally Tyson began opening doors and wandering around looking for someone to assists us. I followed as best I could, not really enjoying walking around while having contractions. A few times I had to grasp the railing on the wall as we looked for anyone.
Eventually we did find some nurses, and once we found people everyone was very nice I'm still not impressed with how long it took us to find someone... but finally we did finally find someone and they led us into a room and put me in a dreaded hospital gown. I climbed into the bed and the hooked me up to machines to monitor my contractions as well as Jude's heartbeat... giant straps that went over my stomach and were extremely uncomfortable. It was frustrating at the time, to already be in labor and to have more discomfort put on top of it.... no matter how important or logical during certain labor pains that didn't really seem all that important just feeling less pain.... I can only imagine how awful this would be for those with less pain tolerance than me because while they were getting worse I was still able to talk through even my worst contractions.
We waited an hour after that, Tyson letting me hold his hand... just waiting through the pains. I was so relived when the doctor who was on call with the hospital finally came and checked how dilated I was and he approved me for pain medicine. It takes a while to get an epidural so the nurse asked if I wanted something in my IV while I waited. "Yes!" I may have a high pain tolerance but I don't need to put myself through the pain on purpose.
The IV drove me crazy though! The nurse who put it in did it at a weird angle in my arm (even another nurse agreed she would have done it differently), I think it was on of my biggest complaints the whole time it was in. thankfully the drugs rushing through it took effect quickly... I was tired... not a little drowsy but like I could hardly keep myself awake for anything. Laying in that hospital letting myself give into sleep felt so amazing, who wouldn't want to sleep through labor.
I slept, and my amazing, loving husband waited. I'm sure this all seemed so different from his perspective, unable to just lay down and take a nap. I slept and he just waited until they came to give me my epidural... I didn't want to sit up, it was hard and my head felt heavy. They had me use the restroom since I wouldn't be able to walk soon (I had to have a catheter put in too that was odd) and then they sat me down. I was elated as a nurse handed me a pillow to lean forward on... with the weight of my head still crushing me I didn't want to sit up even though I knew this was important. I've heard lots of scary stories about epidural, how they feel and how huge the needle is... but I wasn't scared and honestly I never even saw the needle I was too focused on trying to stay awake while he did it. I remember him asking me questions though I'm not really sure what they were about and it was over just like that.
I went back to sleep. I love sleep normally, but on the drugs it is all I could even comprehend... and that is fine with me!!! I have no desire to be awake during pain unless it is necessary. The times I did wake up I was frustrated... I couldn't feel any pain but instead during contractions I felt like I I needed to use the restroom, which I knew was logically impossible because of the catheter but that is how it felt and it drove me crazy. In retrospect I know that feeling was much better than the pain but at that moment I didn't care about logic I just wanted to not feel like that.... so it only further encouraged my sleeping.
My progress slowed, they started me on a drug to help further dilate me.... Then... Jude's heartbeat plummeted. Tyson mentioned something, I was awake enough to process enough to get concerned... and the nurse came in. Suddenly I was being moved all around, put on my hands and knees they were attempting anything to help his get his heartbeat back up. I was terrified and mostly unable to move struggling to help the nurses shift my position. Yet another nurse was also handing me forms, giving permission for the emergency c-section we would have to do if his heartbeat isn't go back up. I was shaking as I tried to sign the papers... unsure as to how everything got so crazy so fast. Somewhere in the process I ended up with oxygen on (me 2nd biggest thing I would complain about), and I was laid back down. Jude's heartbeat was coming back up... something we did helped and for the moment the fear was over.
I still wanted to sleep though it was harder after that, people were in and out much more as we waited for it to be time to deliver. I was constantly being checked and all the other types of things they do while your at a hospital.... but really I still just wanted to sleep.
When it finally came time to deliver they told me that his face was up and they were going to try to rotate him to make it an easier delivery... this is the last bit of information I remember getting at the time... other than this over the course of delivery no one seemed to fill me in on what was actually going... perhaps I just wasn't hearing it and perhaps they were just too busy but other than "push" I don't really think they spoke to me during delivery.
For some reason as we went to begin, my contractions changed... they were no longer coming as frequently as they should be and we weren't sure why. This is none of the things most concerning to me if I ever have another child... other events I don't really see as likely to repeat (and my doctor says they shouldn't be a problem), but the fact that my contractions changed during labor concerns me, what if my body did that again without the complications?
With contractions not coming things were changing, I still didn't really know what was going on and more people kept coming in until there were four doctors and probably five or six nurses all in the room with me. One of the doctors says (not really to me but the other doctors) "We need to get him out!" I had not clue what was going on but during all this apparently they were cutting me and getting tools and as I was being commanded to push the used forceps to deliver him in a quicker timespan.
Jude had had the umbilical cord wrapped around him three times, once around his head and twice around his body. Using the forceps they got him out and he was able to be okay. It felt so nice to hear him cry, he cried so hard and loud, and for me my moments of tension and fear were over. The nurses took him to weigh and measure him, my 8lb 21inch long baby boy and they handed him to Tyson.
I gazed at my beautiful husband and son, it was so amazing to see Tyson hold him, little did I know at that moment Tyson was torn between the joy of holding baby Jude and fear for me. From what he saw I was so white, and had lost a lot of blood... I couldn't see any of this but my poor husband could... he waited holding our son as they worked on my for an additional 45 minutes trying to stitch me back up and get everything in order. I felt none of this, which I view as a huge blessing! Without the pain medications I'd have felt every slice and stitch in addition to the delivery and who knows how I would have handled that! My body went into shock even with them, had I done it naturally things could have been worse.
As they finished stitching me I became aware of the fact I was shaking. I uselessly tried to steady my arms but it did nothing. I didn't expect this, no one had ever mentioned shaking during a story of labor and delivery.... I'd read plenty of blogs and spoke with several people as I tried to, mentally prepare for the day but not one ever spoke of the shaking (which I now know is somewhat common). It was horrible, I couldn't hold my baby. Tyson stood close to me showing me his cute little features, and claiming Jude had gotten his ears which if nothing else at least made me smile. Eventually they gave me a warming blanket because the shaking just wouldn't stop... It was a horrible feeling being unable to control my own body!
Finally the warmth helped me regain control of my body, Tyson handed me Jude. I, lay there holding my perfect little boy knowing he was okay, and while I have a long recovery I will be okay too and I was so thankful. After all the recent moments of fear I could finally let myself relax and most stress so much. The doctors and modern tools allowed us both to be safe... and if I hadn't been at a hospital and I hadn't had the drugs I don't know how things may have turned out! So for all he women when have delivery other places you are awesome and strong... but after my experience I am so thankful for the path that I took for modern medicine brought me my little boy and the opportunity to be a mother and I will never forget or stop appreciating that fact!
